you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Help. Why am I so naked?
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