I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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