What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
