can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm passing your future prison.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
