4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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