shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
