jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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