i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
