OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
