i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
