Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
