cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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