I wish I could punch you in the face.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
