are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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