Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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