My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
