If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
