If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
