Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize