for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
