did you get engaged???
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
