Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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