I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
