My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
