my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
