Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
