Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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