I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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