Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
