Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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