i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
