dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
