I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My pussy is not your playground.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
