HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I will pee on everything he values.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
