I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
