Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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