would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
