Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
