It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Come on in and take your pants off
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