He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize