what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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