I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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