Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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