My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
