My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
