he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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