I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
not ubering you a puppy
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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