My liver just broke up with me...
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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