If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
