Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
