That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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