New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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