dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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