you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize