i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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