wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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