If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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