Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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