did you get engaged???
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
