i just wanna soil my oats bro
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
