Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
