i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
All I want is dick and wine.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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