ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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