Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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