dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize