What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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