I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
