Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
