im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need to wash the frat house off of me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
