Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
