wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize