I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
